I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
