I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
