So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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