he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
