My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
