How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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