All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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