What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
