we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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