I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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