covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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