she woke up with a sticky ear
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i think my mom watched the whole time
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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