Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
