we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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