Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
