i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Drake has all the answers
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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