Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
