Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
