Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The uberlube is also flammable
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
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