He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
