I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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