Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
