I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
