If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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