The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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