You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
