why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
