All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
