There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
