pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
