he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
