thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
