I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
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