Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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