: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
