Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
