Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
