weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She made me pour olive oil on her.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
