If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
