My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She announced her abortion via fbk
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
