You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
