Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
