Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
