Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
