Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
