We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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