chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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