I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Randomize
