its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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