Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
