if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
