omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
