I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
