My room smells like vodka and shame
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
