No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
