I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
