I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
