my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
