I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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