ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
